The eulogy given by family friend Laura van Straaten

I've been a friend of Stephane since we met my freshman year in college. I met Alison when they began dating a couple years later and adored her immediately too. Just as I adored—in chronological order—Monster, Julian, Owen and Mammouth, when I got to know each of them …as puppies and as babies respectively.

From the get-go, I've had a special affection for Julian…dating from the moment I held him as an infant at his parents' house in Chicago…and, because I know first-hand the ups and downs of what it's like to have a little brother, most especially when Owen came into Julian's life.

When I met Owen for the first time at Gay and Malka's in Santa Fe, I thought he was a gorgeous baby. But my relationship with Owen was more of a stealthy, softly smoldering sort. Love crept up on me.

….

And a few winters ago, over New Year's, I found myself with U-Haul full of furniture and a broken heart …after a terrible break-up. Allison and Stephane invited me up here for a long weekend that January. It was bitterly cold. While I was a fraction of the mess I am now, both boys knew I was very sad…and were especially kind and attentive to me. They cuddled with me in the guest room and we all watched "Mad Hot Ballroom" together.

And all weekend they tried to cheer me up. As is fitting to the Catskills, they did so shamelessly with jokes and riddles, especially routines like of the "yo' mama's so fat/how fat is she?" variety. The WHOLE car-ride up. And, if memory serves, the WHOLE car-ride back….


But in addition to having, like his brother, a major capacity for goofiness—one of my favorite qualities, Owen took a unique interest in my love life.

His questions that weekend went beyond what Oprah or even Barbara Walters could get away with….because they were powered by the curiosity of a child, but a child with a special sense of interpersonal insight. WHY wasn't there going to be a wedding after all? Was I only sad or maybe just a little bit happy too? WHEN was I going to find my husband? HOW would I meet him and what was I doing about it? And of course, most vitally, Owen wanted to assure his spot as a guest at any potential future wedding…

And later, when I'd moved on and was dating again, every time I saw them….nearly the first question out of Owen's mouth was along the lines of "do you have a new boyfriend yet?"….

I asked Owen once why he was so interested in my love life and whether he and Julian wanted to get married. Julian was age-appropriately hedging. But Owen was definitive: Marriage? Bien sûr. At 8, he was a romantic. And of course, like Julian, he'd seen a good marriage at close range: his parents', which has this catastrophic week shown itself to be more solid than ever.

….

In March of this year, I was up here with the Gersons. We all decided to take a long walk with Abbe and her son Alex one morning.

Somehow, as happens on long walks with a lot of people, we fell into a collection of duos and trios. And Owen and I ended up walking for a long time just the two of us.

Owen had passed a trying but ultimately triumphant night at one of his first sleepovers with his friends Alex and Ellison the night before. He still was a bit out of sorts.

So, as a distraction, he and I started playing a game of "which house was the ugliest?" of all the houses we passed along the way.

Now, most of you are familiar with Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Football and the like….

My game with Owen quickly morphed into what I can only call Fantasy Architecture and Home Décor.

Because: we basically designed in our heads the most awesome house.

And nearly as awesome was HOW we designed it. Because even though it was a total and utter fantasy, wild and ridiculous and fun and over the top…Owen brought to the enterprise both a keen eye for both comfort and economy as well as a contractor's sense of negotiation.

As an example of his sense of fairness, I recall that the exterior of our fantasy house was a very hot pink…and I know enough of Owen to know that that was a very generous concession to my taste, not his.

I remember wishing afterwards that I'd written down all the amenities of our dream house. And I wish so even more fervently now of course.

Here is what I remember: ….we had out own PERMANENT, private rainbow shooting directly into the chimney.

We had a pool with water that changed color when we felt like it, just like the top of the Chrysler Building—because why should all pools be blue? There was a water slide on EVERY side of the pool. And the pool was paved with diamonds so it sparkled at night.

We had a raspberry and blueberry tree. And yes, it's true that both those fruits grow on bushes and separately. But you know what? It's more convenient if they just grow together because they taste delicious that way. And if they are on a tree, you can CLIMB that tree. And that tree grew in the huge garden on our roof.

We had a really cool dog house for Mammouth—it was made of dog food. The dry kind… of course. That way, the puppy could just eat the walls whenever he felt like it and we could just build him another house as needed. But then we realized Mammouth would prefer to sleep inside our hot pink house with us… and of course, we felt the same way.

I will not digress on the toilets, but let me just say that for a boy of 8, he had very specific ideas about ablutions and very unique ideas about privacy.

People who love each other fight sometimes, as Julian and Alison and Stephane and all the Gersons and Blocks know. That comes with the territory.

And I'll admit, Owen and I fought about the hot tub.

As I said, Owen was a romantic, so unsurprisingly he first suggested a hot tub shaped like a heart. (Clearly, Alison and Stephane did a good job keeping him from reality TV, where the heart shaped hot tub is promiscuously common…in all senses of both words.)

Owen and I settled on….appropriately enough… a hot tub shaped like a Jewish star.

What's cool about a Jewish Star is that it has six points. So, naturally, there'd be a corner with water jets for each of us: for Owen, Julian, Alison, Stephane, Mammouth (because in the fantasy, the dog actually likes the water) and, most gratefully and humbly, one for me.

Also, all six of his grandparents could fit in that hot tub at once if they wanted.

You could play video games in every room in the house.

We had a fireplace with a perpetually bubbling pot of liquid gold in it so that we could make money whenever we wanted.

Did I mention, we grew white chocolate and Frango Mints on our roof too?

And meatballs.

…

I was looking forward to seeing Owen and Julian grow up.

As I know we all are, I am more committed than ever to seeing Julian grow up and become a man.

And now, I will look forward to hanging out with Owen in that wild, fantasy of a dream house some day. I know you're all invited too.